Counselling From Eponine
by Ginger Anastase
Summary: Eponine decides to talk to Enjolras about his issues with women. AU Oneshot


**Warning: Modern AU, some bad language and sexual references. Have fun! :D**

**AN: Yeah, I was bored and I've always wanted to write about where Enjolras's indifference towards women came from so…enter Eponine, Grantaire and alcohol. This situation is highly unlikely but meh…**

Yesterday's protest had been successful so all of the Amis gathered at the Café Musain for a celebratory drink. Well, for Grantaire it was more like a typical evening out but he wasn't going to say no to a drink that his friends had actually permitted.

Marius stood on a chair and raised his pint glass.

"I propose a toast!" he announced causing the conversations to die down, "And I better propose it now before Grantaire is absolutely sloshed and all he can hear is show tunes inside his head!" Grantaire crossed his arms and sulked while everyone laughed at him.

Marius continued. "Anyway, I'd like everyone to raise their glasses to our foolish leader, Enjolras, without whom we'd probably all be doing much less worthwhile things like reading spy novels and hooking up with hot girls. So, to Enjolras!"

"To Enjolras!" everyone echoed. Enjolras refused to raise his glass and he joined Grantaire in a good-natured sulk, a small smile, though, making its way to his face as his friends congratulated him and patted him on the back. He told them all to shut up as he felt the need to make a speech of his own.

"Right, my misguided friends, you have all worked hard so, I suppose, you're allowed one night of drunken freedom," he said, "But please don't do anything stupid!"

Everyone immediately looked at Grantaire.

"What?!" he shouted incredulously.

Everyone chuckled and began chatting and drinking again.

The door to the Café soon opened and a young dark-haired girl in shorts, converse and a black hoodie sneaked in, smiling at the scene.

She wandered towards Marius. "Well then, Monsieur, what are we celebrating?"

Marius spun around and grinned as he scooped Eponine up in a hug.

"'Ponine, I'm so glad you came!"

She returned his embrace then pulled back and picked a beer up off the table near her.

"No, really, what are we celebrating?" she asked, sipping at the bitter liquid.

Marius ran a hand through his hair, his eyes bright and laughing. "We, my friend, are celebrating our successful protest."

She nodded, "Aah, I thought it would go well."

They transitioned into comfortable silence, watching Grantaire trying to pry Enjolras away from his book. They both laughed when Enjolras snatched his copy of Othello back and wacked Grantaire over the head with it.

"So," she began, "What exactly does this celebration entail."

Marius laughed and finished his own beer then wiped his mouth on his sleeve, "Well, normally, we think that we are all just going to have a drink then go home. Then we realise that we are probably going to end up playing something stupid like Spin The Bottle, which gets very funny when all of you are straight men, and finally we realise that we are probably not going to get home until morning because it would take all of us to get Grantaire home before he starts thinking that we're women and hitting on us like last time."

Eponine giggled, "I like the sound of Grantaire."

"You won't when he starts trying to get his tongue down your throat."

She grimaced. "If he tries anything then I'll twist his face off."

"What a violent young woman!" laughed Courfeyrac as he approached the two.

"Hello," said Eponine, "Call me 'Ponine. And you are?"

Courfeyrac shook the hand she offered, "Nice to meet you. I'm Courfeyrac, the funny one," he replied, smiling.

Marius clapped his hand on his friend's shoulder. "No no, I am the funny one, Courfeyrac. Now stop pretending that you've got swagger and go get me another beer."

"You'll be lucky, my friend," he teased, "Now, 'Ponine, welcome to our little group. I assume you know who everyone is?"

She shrugged. "I know you and Marius, of course, and I know to stay away from Grantaire unless I want my face sucked off. I've picked up a few other names."

She pointed to Enjolras in the corner. "Who's that over there?"

Courfeyrac followed her line of sight and nodded, "That's Enjolras. He is so far up his own arse that we're surprised he can lead a protest at all but he's a good man and can be pretty cool when he wants to. If you're interested in him then I wouldn't get your hopes up, he seriously doesn't like to date."

Eponine scowled, making Marius laugh before he went to get another beer. "Who said I was interested? But, women issues, you say?" she mused, an evil smile playing about on her lips, "I think I can get to the bottom of that."

Before Courfeyrac could stop her she had begun strolling idly towards Enjolras. He bit his lip to stop from chuckling at the possibilities then beckoned over the other men to him, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Marius's friend, Eponine," he started, "Is going to take Enjolras up on his issues with women. Now shut the hell up so I can listen."

The group burst out laughing and spread out, trying to keep as quiet as possibly so they could hear the conversation going on in the corner.

Enjolras frowned; the noise in the room had suddenly got very low.

"Hello there, Monsieur," came a feminine voice to his right. He looked up and saw an unfamiliar face.

"Er…Hello. Who are you?"

She sat down in the chair next to him, tucking her feet under her. "My name is Eponine. Courfeyrac tells me that you don't like to date."

The man in question spluttered on his drink and sent an apologetic look towards Enjolras while the rest of them tried their best not to laugh.

"I was wondering why that is?"

Enjolras looked bewildered and blinked several times before Eponine started to look worried.

"Look, I know I'm a girl but there's no need to freak out," she muttered.

The boys clamped their hands over their mouths but their titters could still be heard.

"I'm not," he retorted agitatedly, "I'm just trying to work out how my personal life is any of your business."

"Oooooh," called Grantaire.

Eponine smiled, "Very nice comeback there, my friend. But really, what is your problem? Are you gay?"

Enjolras rolled his eyes as his friends all chuckled like schoolboys. "No, I'm not gay."

Eponine stroked her chin in contemplation. "Are you secretly a robot who is incapable of love?"

He rolled his eyes again. "Yes, yes I am," he replied sarcastically, "Will leave me alone? I don't even know you!"

Eponine held her hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay, Mr Grumpy Gills!"

Enjolras massaged his temple. "I'm going to just side-step the fact that you just quoted Finding Nemo and wonder why you are asking me these questions."

"Look," she reasoned, "I don't see why you don't date. I mean, probably half the girls in town want to get into your pants and the other half only don't want to because they are using up all their time trying to stay away from Grantaire to notice you."

The room shook with laughter and Grantaire settled, yet again, into a sulk. Enjolras even indulged in a chuckle.

Eponine wiped the smile off her face and continued. "No really, there has to something wrong with you. Dude, you're hot! Go and get laid!" she shouted, motioning haphazardly towards the door.

Enjolras blushed again, scowling at Grantaire and Combeferre as they started wolf-whistling.

"Er…no, but thanks for offering."

Eponine gaped. "_I_ was _not _offering, you presumptuous little bitch."

Enjolras couldn't help but laugh out loud at her use of insults. He shook his head and made to get a drink but was pushed back into his seat by his interrogator.

"No, I am not done with you yet!" she yelled, "Tell me what your issue with women is!"

Enjolras stopped laughing and swallowed, "It doesn't matter. Now let me get a beer before I punch you!"

Eponine pouted, "Okay, one, you wouldn't dare, and two, it does matter. Please tell me."

She put on her puppy dog eyes and fluttered her eyelashes.

"Awww…Enjolras tell her!" whined Courfeyrac, "She looks so cute!"

Eponine ignored that comment and leaned closer to Enjolras.

"Please?" she whispered, more seriously.

He sighed and realised that he wouldn't be set free until he played along.

"Okay fine," he took a deep breath, "I don't like to date because…in my experience…in my experience…well, women tend to break your heart."

Eponine winced and bit her lip. "Ah. Got yourself a broken heart, have you?"

He shrugged. "Not anymore, not really. But still that last bitch that I was a fool enough to fall in love with decided to cheat on me and then blame me for being too distant."

She nodded. "Well, now I feel bad for making you say that in front of all your guy friends."

Grantaire took a swig of his beer can. "Yeah, to be honest, man, you do look like a bit of a girl to us now."

The room was filled with teasing nods and agreements.

Enjolras smiled sadly. "I don't blame you. I guess I need to do something to make me look like more of a guy, right?"

Grantaire nodded, "Yep."

The only actual girl in the room narrowed her eyes in thought. Her face lit up when an idea came into her head.

"I've know how to make you look like a guy!" she announced happily.

Before he could ask what her thought was, Eponine had leaned ever close to Enjolras and pressed her lips against his. She took no notice of the gasps in the room and continued kissing him until he took the initiative to kiss her back.

She pulled back, looking very pleased with herself, and jumped up off her seat. She turned the face the Amis.

"Does he look like a guy again?" she questioned smugly.

They all nodded mechanically and scarily in time, still wide-eyed and surprised.

"Well, I need to get going!" she said, skipping over to the door, "Places to go, people to kiss out of nowhere."

Enjolras finally snapped out of his daze.

"Aah, back with us are you?" Eponine laughed, teasingly.

"You know, they're never going to let me live this down," he stated, grinning like an idiot.

"Yep, I know."

She took a flamboyant bow and bid them goodbye.

"Until next time, assorted fools!" she declared, leaving them to their alcohol.

A few moments of silence followed until Grantaire broke it with a huff.

"Wow, that was weird…" he mumbled.

He took another swig of beer then rubbed his hands together. "Okay, guys, who wants to play Spin The Bottle?"

**Right…Yeah, I just scared myself. Reviews are much appreciated. :D x**


End file.
